Twenty-eight emails … Seriously? How is this so complicated?
I’ll try to explain it again …
These kids are not against vaccines. They are not against contemporary medicine. They are not against compassion, they are not against progressive politics, they are not against conservative economics. They are not necessarily against religion, they are not necessarily against atheism, they are not necessarily against veganism or meat-eating … they are against using Genetic Engineering on any animal, from a cricket, to a mealworm, to a mouse, to a pig, to a chimpanzee.
They are not against this type of work unilaterally. If a statistically-consistent reason of why this type of genetic engineering is available, they’ll consider it. But don’t lie to them, they’re smarter than you are with math, they’ll see your lie and then they’ll never trust you again. Your shareholders will lose value, your house on Cape Cod will be downgraded by a not-too-bad diesel motorhome, but neither you nor your wife will actually enjoy a retirement that consists of sitting around a bunch of other RVers, instead of a bunch of Cape Codders, regardless how often you say otherwise. So don’t lie to them, capisce?
If you want to sell vaccines that have been functionalized on animals like mice with genetically-engineer humanized immune systems, pigs with genetically-engineered humanized reproductive systems, and bonobos with genetically-engineerd humanized nervous systems, then tell the kids why and tell them the truth. If it’s “to make these medicines financially feasible so we don’t have to hire as many human test subjects” then tell them that. If it’s “to speed up development of these these medicines to get them to market faster” then tell them that.
But if you hide the truth, that they simply do not support wholesale genetic engineering on animals, then you’re going to find yourself soon enough in a rather lovely motorhome park in Cherokee, North Caroline. And you and the love of your life are going to run across an old friend at some outdoor festival, and they’re going to say, “We haven’t seen you around Cape Cod, but we’re so happy that we took a weekend for this festival. In which hotel are you? We’ll meet for drinks.” And then you will tell them that you live in a rather lovely diesel pusher motorhome, with three slide-outs. And then you’ll lie, “we just rent out the Cape Code home now, it’s too muggy up there for our taste.” You’ll wish you would have said anything other than “muggy” but it was all you could think at that moment.
Are we on the same page at this point? It’s marketing. You make the product that the market WANTS. If you have to lie to the market to grudgingly accept your product, then the market doesn’t want it. Duh.
Vaccines? Hell, half of us get your dumb-ass flu vaccines even though they give us the fucking flu. You think you make fun of anti-vaxxers? Hell, we shit all over anti-vaxxers. I once saw a downhiller push a funbox kid off his nickle board in the skatepark. This kid, this poor homeschool kid, he’s sitting in the grass, his feelings hurt beyond all reason, the look in his face; “why?” Because we tend to view anti-vaxxers as weak. If they can’t survive a some fucked up chemicals and selective breeding in a witch’s brew of toxins, directly injected into our arteries, then how can they possibly survive eating shit on a five block downhill, hitting the trough at 40 mph or more, deck wobbling like a vicar on Fat Tuesday? We don’t give a shit about anti-vaxxers, but when you call us anti-vaxxers, it won’t work. Ninety-five percent of us have been so pumped full of vaccines that we’ll leave corpses that probably pop back to life a few thousand years after we wake up underground. We’re not anti-vaxxers.
So if you want to continue your tradition of plugging this shit product of medicines functionalized and tested on genetically-engineered animals, then you’ll need a different approach. Howabout you just say something like “Hey you Nature gene lovers! Why not get with the program? The future is all about genetically-modified animals, doofuses! When aliens come to this planet after our extinction, they’ll look at the genetic signatures of all these animals and they’ll say “Damn, homie, these human motherfuckers seem to have stuck their dicks into a lot of animals, their genetics are all over these things. But wait, how did they fuck a mouse? Hold on … okay, I got it, they didn’t fuck the animals, they actually thought that they could improve on a few hundred million years of natural evolution with a few research grants, some CRISPR and a leaky lab. Fumb Ducks.”
We’ll at least chuckle at that one, maybe get Mike Judge to package it as Idiocracy 2086, the prequel, where Drs. Krensky and Altshuler find a way to use CRISPR to save Clevon Jr.’s life.
I can’t think of any other functional ways to get that dog to hunt, gentlemen. It’s a shit product, and the only people that seem to actually want it are a bunch of Baby Boomers that are actually closer to the grave than you are to that KOA Campground. (Yeah, I’m going to twist the knife, because you need to fully comprehend the alternative.)
Okay, here’s the alternative …
Make an internal classification for two types of pharmaceuticals. If it meets all of these qualities, it is a Category R drug; profitable, slightly lower perceived price (i.e. high perceived value), clinically effective with greater than 50% confidence threshold.
If it meets any of these qualities, it is a Category S drug; politically confrontational, high perceived price (i.e. low perceived value), clinically effective with less than 50% confidence threshold.
Now, let the Category R drugs make a lot of money for your shareholders. You will exit this mortal coil, toe-up, surrounded by your family and loved ones in Cape Cod.
For the Category S drugs, define the markets and the needs, and then produce them in a way that uses non-biologics. Magnesium, selenium, manganese, iron, calcium carbonate, and others. The goal with these is to get the body chemistry stabilized so the existing, non-GMO biologics from Category R can do their job better. This isn’t rocket surgery, there is a metric fuckwagon of research on everything from the myelin sheath to the plasma balance. And we’re not talking confrontational science for the most part, there is liquid chromatography of healthy balances and chronically-ill balances. Yeah, a few nutcakes are going to complain about it, but we won’t. We get it, we’re an evolutionary design of chemicals. Patent it as needed, we’ll pay the premium, even with our shitty Health Bronze non-insurance. We’ll call this new class of non-biologics; Category T.
I don’t give a rat’s blue asshole which one of you actually wants to move your companies into the future with a suite of Category T drugs. In fact, I’m happy if none of you do it. If you don’t sell us medicinized trace elements in an easily-dissolved non-oxate, then we’ll make them ourselves. Heck, Natural Calm is flying off the shelves, and not just because of my recently-rediscovered recipe for the Dirty Dishwater cocktail. (By the way, to the two of you who asked about the Haitian Lanilla, it will not work if you use healthy coconut water. The salt balance is all wrong. You need to use the Mexican-style Coconut Water that comes in a can with the added sugar, it’s available at many dollar stores and 7/11 stores. The Mexican coconut water more closely resembles water from a young, sweet coconut, and that’s what you need for the Haitian Lanilla.) Anyway, Natural Calm is popular because it actually seems to do something to our bodies after we’ve spent too many years at high altitude with food grown in soil that has been depleted of magnesium.
If you don’t bring Categories T’s to market and keep Category S’s off the market, then we’ll trust the coming crop of pharma from Wellnext Health, because they share our values, as long as they refuse to functionalize their products on GMOs.
Soon enough, you’re going to see something curious. You’re going to see your vaccination rates decrease. Yeah, you’ll know that it just means a bunch of vaccinated people finally jumped ship and posted a TikTok of how you emotionally violated them by not admitting that you used genetically-engineered organisms to make those vaccines. But the end result is even worse; not only did you not gain customers, but you actually lost customers for future products. They no longer trust you … again.
You see Mr. Cape Cod sir, there were a few firefighters who saw that the whole hero-pussy after 9/11 couldn’t last forever. They learned how to mountain bike, they learned how to watch Au Service de la France and understand it without all the subtitles. They became good humans for all the people who wanted to marry firefighters. And there were firefighters who rode their hero pussy right into old folks home. Be like the former rather than the latter, you’ll get to avoid KOA, you’ll maintain the trust of your customers.