We have just received notice that Alexandra Petri of the Washington Post and Danielle Pletka at the American Enterprise Institute have taken to eviscerating each other again … well, Alexandra is doing most the field-dressing, but that’s the not the point of this update.
Space Force 7 has long positioned itself as an advocacy organization to the general move away from mass-reaction space transport. We may not have the most famous scientists in the industry, but we do have some of the most level-headed, dead-eyed realism in the space transport industry. Since we are unencumbered with the need for a profit model above our current TRL 3 research, we are also unencumbered with the need for petty squabbles of the news of the day. And as luck would have it, Alex is doing a bang-up job. But c’mon here, can’t we walk a mile in another woman’s moccasins here? Danielle has never had the comfort of essentially owning a piece of a land. She’s like the forboding bride in Ford Maddox Brown’s “The Last of England.” She’s not in the USA because she escaped the death squads of Australia, she’s here because the USA offers certain opportunities that some of the best and brightest might find difficult in smaller markets. But we will stand toe-to-toe with chopping off tall poppies with anyone. That’s the way we do things here as well as any place that is populated with a bunch of sexually-repressed humans raised by robot computers.
Look, both of you are great broads, I mean that sincerely. But we cannot allow either of you to bring any Uncle Donnie’s Fido Fiber onboard Space Force 7 spaceboats. It’s not that we don’t want you to be well-nourished in your ride through the stars and the great vacuum of space and whatnot, it’s just that we’re a low-budget space force, we operate on a thin margin, and realistically, we can’t afford the sewage disposal costs that they’re n0w charging a shit-ton for moving a ton of shit onto the processing stations on Giesse 667 Cc. We appreciate your patronage of our fledgling spaceboat charters ladies, but we would rather you save your business for before or after a ride in one of our spaceboats so that we can keep our tankage requirements low and save on offloading costs.
We understand fully that Uncle Donnie’s Fido Fiber is a delicious and healthful way to increase keratin production in healthy adults and even children. With Uncle Donnie’s mouthwatering ensemble of perfectly dried and expertly seasoned sweet potatoes, mangoes, peaches, roma tomatoes, and apples, we understand fully that you’ll feel as if you’re floating on a cloud of taste sensation and crunchtastic excitement, even as you two politicos plummet through the bowels of deep space. But please understand ladies, we need to keep our tankage costs down so that we can finally get our ideas into the public spaceboat market!
We have long looked for an alternative to the typical mass-transfer spaceboat propulsion system, we see it to be as generally wasteful as throwing gold bars through the ice to gain a modicum of propulsion across a frozen pond. We favor the use of mass-gathering in space, and then using our stored energy to create the mass-reaction pair. However, even at 1 atom per cubic centimeter on the edges of our own home solar system, there simply isn’t a sufficient amount of mass to get to even a low-budget tourist destination in less than 30 minutes. And that’s what this industry has always needed; a thirty minute spaceboat ride where the general adoring public can offload, take a free shit in the spacedock’s head, eat pizza and look at the locals, take another free dump in spaceboat dock’s bathroom, and then get back onboard for a 30 minute ride back home. And then when you get home, you eat your Uncle Donnie’s Fido Fiber there, where you can see if it really is a “snack that is a thousand times more delicious than a bucket of dog hair or your money back, and that’s the Uncle Donnie guarandamntee.”
The point here is that Danielle should be excused somewhat for seeing boogeymen behind doors, she left one place to be in another place, not because there was a death squad at the door, but because there was an opportunity to enslave a bunch of hapless Yanks to lives without unions, to lives without doctors, to survive in a reality where an 8 year old American black girl is more likely to die of asthma than an 8 year old American white girl.
Yeah, Danielle sees boogeymen hiding behind doors, how could she not? It’s actually something of a romantic kind of interlude to see the world dangling in the precipice, the world in danger of hidden forces beyond our control, rather than the Seybold Guillotine cutter that is poised to take off our fingers because some jackass who knows fuck-all about the hazards of the finishing operation, jury rigged one of the buttons so that he could jog the paper while he cuts. Danielle sees boogeymen because she has the luxury to see them, she has time to look into the shadows because she’s rarely chased by zombie pig men.
And yet, this political nonsense aside, we know that two of these things have nothing at all to do with politics. For one, an American black 8 year old girl is more likely to die of asthma than an American white 8 year old girl. That’s not politics, that statistics, and this asthma disparity has to be identified and corrected. We can’t ethically send spaceboats to space by converting integral spin particles into half-spin particles to use in the mass reaction, if we can’t first find a way to kill some American white 8 year old girls from asthma to correct the disparity.
What’s that? We don’t want any additional American white 8 year old girls to die from asthma? Okay, then we need to reduce the numbers of American black 8 year old girls to die from asthma, and American latina 8 year old girls, and American native 8 years old girls. The asthma disparity is real, and it’s another example of institutional racism that cannot stand in a country that is ideally founded on something better than the quest for a really lovely vacation flat in Pott’s Point, right Daniella?
But you see, even if you can’t have that lovely vacation flat in Pott’s Point, or Tararonga, or Wooloomooloo, you can still enjoy the savory goodness of Uncle Donnie’s Fido Fiber, just not on Space Force 7 charter spaceboats. Because we’re saving our money for our weakly-interacting neutrino oscillation driver that we’ve been building that allows us to convert integral spin particles into half-spin particles and use them in the mass-driver of our brand of “30-minutes or less” spaceboats.