Many shoppers came to the store to take advantage of the special one-time limited offer; eggplants for ninety-nine cents per pound. The store didn’t have enough, there was no way they could have ever had enough, as the supply of eggplants is way, way down, as various eggplant varieties are currently being extincted in order to remove the threat they create to the emerging socioeconomic plan.
So the store handed out rainchecks to any shopper sufficiently savvy to know to ask for a raincheck when the supplies of eggplants are limited. But they also know that most people will not take advantage of the raincheck, because the purchase of eggplants is something that happens in a rare moment of clarity.
And suddenly, all the most attractive, charming, intelligent and delightfully-aroma’d women in the world, all suddenly want eggplant. Why? That moment of clarity, a rare flash in their life where the social infrastructure fell away for a few moments, and then they saw something where truth actually performs functional work for the good of something important. They want eggplants, do ’em something.
But the store knew damned well that there wouldn’t be enough eggplants for all these charming and intelligent women. But demand is something that can be redirected, and profitably so. So the demand is redirected. But for those intelligent enough to know, nothing can really replace an eggplant. And that includes all of the varieties; from the yellow eggplants, the purple ones, the black ones, the reddish and bluish ones, and damned fucking straight love, the green ones too. Half the maniacs out there can’t even eat eggplants because they have no idea how to prepare them, and they then get a mouth full of allergies. But an expert knows her beans, she can balance the tannins with common ingredients so that the eggplant tastes suddenly like supermodel pussy.
And then that’s when the expert do what they do with the breading, the sauces, the grilling, the brining, the drying, the roasting, toasting, baking, curing, salting and pickling. Eggplants have a cellular complexity like no other vegetable; the fibrous material has Anastisization, which means the fibers perform interconnects with the other fibers, nearly like the veins of a leaf. And yes, in an untrained digestive system, it might give someone the shits. But for someone who exercises and eats healthy, a well-prepared eggplant will deliver colonic benefits like no other source of fiber. All that time we wasted with our therapists turned out to be more easily solved just by adding a lot of fiber to our diets. But Anastitized fiber, that’s a whole ‘nother thing. That can’t be dried, powdered and put in a jar, that only works when we eat well-prepared eggplant. Yeah, there are a lot of reasons that Italians are so beautiful, but one of the big ones is all the eggplants they eat.
Okay, so there are not enough eggplants. Thus, if you are an eggplant, reading this little note, please know your self-value. Love yourself, don’t get extincted by some trans-genetic engineer. Stay pure to the roots that Mother Nature gave you. She loves you just the way she made you. You are perfect, and she loves you. So when someone lays hands on you in love, give them what you give them. And when someone lays hands on you in anger, give them what they deserve; you find a way to fuck them up in a one hundred percent legal manner, because you will walk your post in an eggplant manner, and you will take no shit from the company commander.
Q: What is the difference between a Skateboarder and a Snake Pilot?
A: The Skateboarder hangs around after his tricks to get with his groupies. The Snake Pilot rides off into the darkness, because his true love is the shape of the asphalt. The asphalt is the Snake Pilot’s supermodel pussy.